When thinking about what to blog about, my friend Kyla asked me what God has resurrected in my life. It really got me thinking. What was something that was put to death so that truth could arise? What about myself did Christ take with Himself to the cross and what rose with Him from the grave? The other day, I gave a talk to my squad at breakfast and I think it really reveals the answer.
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So when I was younger before and after having a relationship with the Lord, I treated every social interaction as an exchange. If someone was nice to me it was because they wanted me to do something for them. And now I felt that I needed to be nice to or serve this person, not out of love but out of this false sense of responsibility. My gifts were my purpose. But then it slowly wasn’t like that anymore.
“We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin.” – Romans 6:6
Recently in Cambodia, I have found myself reverting back to my old ways though. Back to the body of sin. I felt like I couldn’t live out the way I was in Guatemala. God had been confirming Himself in me and revealing to me my gifts and roles in the church. Don’t get me wrong, it was hard in Guatemala. Everyday I was being attacked in the flesh. I had to choose to die to myself. But now in Cambodia, I struggled to reach the levels of living out of the Spirit I had in Guate. I was now being attacked in spirit. It took some self reflection instigated by Matt Blair to realize that I was treating God in the same way I used to treat others. I was thriving when I was able to freely live out of the Spirit and use my gifts but now when I felt like people were hurting I felt like it was my responsibility to speak truth, to make everything better, but God wasn’t saying anything to me. I had nothing to say. And then I felt disappointed then apathetic and even useless because my giftings weren’t being used. Matt made me realize that I was treating my gifts as a bill. Something I need to pay off. God gave me this so I need to use it to make it worth something. My gifts became a loan rather than a receipt of adoption. I found my identity in the gifts rather than the Giver of these gifts. I was living chained by my perceptions not the truth that God was speaking.
“Whatever does does not proceed from faith is sin.”
“We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; 7 if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; 8 if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.” Romans 12:6-8
What stands out to me here is the phrase”in accordance with faith.” Not in what your capable of. Not of your expectations of what will happen. But in love and gratitude and joy and identity in the Father live out your talents. Matt said to me, “Philip, you’re brilliant but you’re more than that.” So to you I say, ” You’re kind, you’re generous, you’re wise, you’re fun, you’re reliable, but you’re more.”
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So Jesus took my perceptions that everything is my responsibility to the grave. What He brought back was identity and comfort in Him. Now nothing — NOTHING– is mine. It’s all His. My gifts are for Him to use through me. That means when I fail it’s okay. My sin is not mine because it died on the cross. It is already forgiven! I need not fret over it anymore. If i do, I discount His sacrifice. I am not chained by any depression or anxiety. We have overcome through His resurrection. I put myself under other people’s burdens but Jesus says I do not even need carry my own alone! His yoke is easy and His burden is light. The weight on my shoulders is lifted. Wow. Thanks, God. Thank you for peace and perseverance. Thank you that it is finished. Draw nearer to me.
