To preface, this was something I brought to Lord as actual questions when I was journaling one day. What turned out was a beautiful story the Holy Spirit wrote through me. I wasn’t going to share this and I still feel vulnerable sharing, but God told me to so here it is. I hope you gain a new perspective and can relate with this. I am praying that the Holy Spirit will comfort you in your pain, whatever that may be.
A Time for Pain and a Time for Joy
Am I wrong to feel pain? Is it unnerving that I am willing to invite Pain in to sit at my table? My welcome mat is worn out from his many visits. I seem to always make sure I have enough to feed Pain in case he decides to show up unannounced. “Would you like a snack?” my soul asks. “I will offer you my entire pantry. Make yourself at home! Here, eat this old memory.”
I often thought that I quite disliked Pain in previous years. His sister Joy was a much more pleasurable guest. Pain was silent, cold, and he seemed uncaring. Joy always brought excitement and warmth. Joy had the best stories that would just light up the atmosphere until you could just hear the laughter lingering, like the void was just finger painted by an innocent, content child. But soon I found that the longer that Joy extended her visits, her uniqueness wore out. An enjoyment to be around no doubt, but one grows tired at the end of an energetic day. Imagine a life at the county fair! Humorous in the beginning but poor for ones health if one does not eat the dreaded vegetables and learn to sit still.
I missed Pain after a while. I found that when I sat and conversed with him, I found myself. Raw. Real. And only when I learned to listen to him did I find rejuvenation in Joy’s stays. It was like Christmas in the midst of winter. Christmas just isn’t truly the same without the snow. But how torturously cynical the long winter becomes without the holiday! It’s funny, because one of these events reminds a person of the other. When I look into Pains eyes, I see Joy! The saying rings true, “I find Joy in the midst of Pain.” When Joy wraps her arms around me, I feel the gentleness in her touch with which she hugs her brother. They are siblings, of course! Why would there not be resemblance?
So am I wrong to befriend the man whom many know intimately but seek to cast away? Am I wrong to not mourn when it comes time for lady Joy to catch the train? I think not. How can I become grateful if I am not broken down and then fully restored? The day would be taken for granted if it were not for the night to steal away the light! It is true that there will come a day when I will say my farewells to Pain. Surely that day will be bittersweet- for he has taught me many lessons and listened to the mourning of my heart. And Joy will greet me with a warm embrace and I will not grow weary of her, for my time with Pain will be passed. I will have learned all he has to teach. So in the meantime, his spot is ready, his plate is set. I prepare the house for silence and await the for the reflection that only comes of calm waters.
A good name is better than precious ointment, and the day of death than the day of birth.
It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart.
Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad.
In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him.
– Ecclesiastes 7:1-3, 7:14
Philip E. Wilson
Wow, man. This got me. The way you let the Holy Spirit write your stories really inspires me.
you are a truly gifted spirit led story teller. praying for you constantly brother !
“How can I become grateful if I am not broken down and then fully restored?”
the only way for us to become truly humble, truly obedient, truly useful, and truly loving servants of god is to go through pain. “the father disciplines the son whom he loves. if you are left without discipline, in which you have all participated, you are illegitimate sons.”
been learnin the same thing, phil. pain isn’t always the most fun guest, but he reminds me that i am a human, that i am broken, and that i am desperately needy for the father in a way that joy, on her own, doesn’t.
love you brother!!! praying for you as always
Going Deep! Pain is a profound and poignant topic about which CS Lewis had a lot to say: “Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say “My tooth is aching” than to say “My heart is broken.”
“We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”
Of course, I also have my Marine Corps Senior Drill instructor Staff Sgt. Forney and his megaphone to thank for my most basic and original understanding. “PAIN IS GOOD! OORAH! IT REMINDS YOU THAT YOU’RE NOT DEAD!!
See you in the “graveyard” in just a few days. 🙂
PHILIP!!!!!!! Dang I really loved reading this and yeah it’s a good
This is SO GOOD! Thank you for this!!