A Dialogue of Devotion and Turmoil

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” (Acts 1:8)

Power? God, you are the giver of life, choices, and joy. However, you say I receive power? What power do I have? I am not a person who sees myself with power. But I know that You have given us the Spirit and that abidance in You brings fruits of the Spirit. What gifts have You blessed me with? Please reveal Yourself.

“Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit, and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. For to one is given through the Spirit utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the ability to distinguish between spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. All these are empowered by the one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills.” (1 Corinthians 12:4-11)

That doesn’t really answer my question. Kate has the gift of visions. Carter is a natural leader. Aly can communicate effectively. Josh and Caleb healed that man’s back. Kyla helps others become self-aware. Cami has an overflow of joy. I’ve seen them forsake evil spirits. I’ve heard them pray to You in languages unknown to man. Do I have the power to interpret dreams like Daniel? Can I speak in tongues like the gentiles did when the Spirit poured out onto them in Acts 10? Can I prophesy like Isaiah, Jeremiah, and John? I know all of these come from You. What did you give me?

“…”

Have I done something wrong? Do I not have faith? All of this is new to me. If there be any unbelief, “Help my unbelief.” Jesus, David’s prayer comes to mind: “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? … Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death… But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.” (Psalm 13)

“AUTHORITY”

Authority?

“SPEAK”

Speak? Speak what? Authority? Speak authority? Authority over what? If this is from you, please make it known. If it be the Enemy, I don’t want to step out and speak lies to my brothers and sisters. If it is You, then I have no choice but to do as Moses did and speak with the dynamite of Your name.

Carter: “Hey, you have a lot of knowledge, don’t be afraid to say it.”

Elijah B.: “Philip, I feel like you have so much to say but instead you don’t. Be confident. Speak truth.”

Kate G.: “So, every year for the past three years God has told me to tell someone that they have the love of Christ in their eyes. The other day He told me that it was you. Look at people in the eyes when you talk, because you hold the authority of Jesus just in your eyes.”

Ok, ok, God. I get it. I hear you. I asked and I received. I was thirsty for Your acknowledgement and my quench was satisfied. “By awesome deeds you answer us with righteousness, O God of our salvation, the hope of all the ends of the earth and of the farthest seas.” (Psalm 65:5) But how to I just speak over people? When do I say something? What do I say? Am I allowed to interfere in the lives of other people? What if it hinders more than helps?

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9) “Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.” (Exodus 4:11-12)

OK, God, I spoke. I stepped out when I felt You on my spirit. I speak but does it have any power? I feel as if I’m speaking to an empty room. I yell off a mountain and into a canyon, yet not even my echo returns to me. Do I carry the authority, really? I speak but no one answers. Do I need affirmation? I never have needed it before, but I lack confidence in my gift, Jesus. “Look, O Lord, for I am in distress; my stomach churns; my heart is wrung within me… For these things I weep; my eyes flow with tears; for a comforter is far from me, one to revive my spirit.” (Lamentations 1:20,15)

(After I had a late-night talk on sanctification) Carter: “Dang, it’s like I just listened to a sermon.”

(After speaking out during a rooftop worship) Kate G.: “I broke down to tears the other day when you stepped out in obedience and spoke what the Lord said to you. That happens when the Spirit is present and I feel His power in the air.”

Wow. It’s true. I’m sorry for limiting your holiness. I was too insecure in my unworthiness that I overlooked Your greatness.  “In your hand are power and might, and in your hand it is to make great and to give strength to all. And now we thank you, our God, and praise your glorious name.” (1 Chronicles 29:12-13) Help me keep your promises ingrained on my heart. Set my eyes on the horizon and make clear my path. I am a sapling blossoming into this new experience of abiding in Your Spirit and acting outwardly through it.

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:28-31)

Thank you, Father. You have authority and since You have brought me into Your inheritance, I too have the ability to speak without fear. Without fear of rejection, without fear of not being heard, without fear of being afraid. “Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:1-5) “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.” (Psalm 19:14)